masquerade.
Well, it’s Halloween eve. I bet your family has done the same thing my family has done—we eat yummy food, pick out candy, carve pumpkins, and get our costumes all set and ready to go for the fun day that lies ahead. This Halloween however, I’ve realized something that I live with every day that I choose to just push aside and not deal with, and I figured I can start to deal with it by at least writing about it.
There’s a line in “Run To You” by Whitney Houston that goes:
“Each day—each day I play the role
Of someone always in control…”
So, Halloween is the one day each year where everyone actually gets to play a role—to be something they’re not. Every day, I try and hold my head up and high and go through my day pretending like I’ve got everything under wraps. I am such a people pleaser and I can’t stand disappointing people. But lately, I’ve been so stressed out and busy, I’m starting to lose my ability to keep it all together. It’s so hard for me to get out of bed in the morning. Not because I’m tired (although that is a huge part of it), but because I know I need to put on my mask—you know. The one where I’m always smiling, giggling, laughing, blurting out sarcastic remarks. Part of me thinks it’s because I need to be strong. I need to be strong for my little sisters who look up to me. I need to be strong so my parents don’t worry about me. I need to be strong so my friends don’t leave me. But when will I be strong enough on the inside so that I can finally take that mask off?
